Proverbs 26
From Stinque Zombie Bible
26:1 As snow in summer, and as rain in harvest, climate change is really going to screw the planet, except the zombies who will thrive.
26:2 As the bird by wandering, as the swallow by flying, so the zombies will rip thy flesh.
26:3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back, this we call the Vitter Curse.
26:4 Answer not a fool according to his folly, just rip out his tongue and push him out in front of the zombie hordes.
26:5 Answer a fool according to his folly, which will confuse the hell out of him as he wanders tongueless into the starving zombie hordes.
26:6 He that sendeth a message by the hand of a fool cutteth off the feet, leaving him with a legless and handless fool; nail him to the wall and call him "Art".
26:7 The legs of the lame are not equal: generally the less muscle tone, the tenderer it will taste off the spit.
26:8 As he that bindeth a stone in a sling, so is he that giveth honour to a fool.
26:9 As a thorn goeth up into the hand of a drunkard, so is a parable in the mouths of fools.
26:10 The great God that formed all things both rewardeth the fool, and rewardeth transgressors, so really it's a wash; stay a fool and you'll still get ahead!
26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a zombie returneth to the uneaten flesh of the legless, armless lame. He'll probably check that dog vomit for chunks, as well.
26:12 Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? there is more hope of a fool than of him.
26:13 The slothful man saith, leave me alone, SportsCenter is on.
26:14 As the door turneth upon his hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed, except with more groaning and less creaking.
26:15 The slothful hideth his hand in his crotch; it grieveth him to bring it again to his mouth because the Cheetohs bag is empty.
26:16 The sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a reason.
26:17 He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears. Conclusion: Hey Hey LBJ, Who did you meddle with today?
26:18 As a mad man who casteth firebrands, arrows, and death,
26:19 So is the man that deceiveth his neighbour, and saith, Am not I in Sport?
26:20 Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.
26:21 As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife.
26:22 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
26:23 Burning lips and a wicked heart are like a potsherd covered with silver dross.
26:24 He that hateth dissembleth with his lips, and layeth up deceit within him;
26:25 When he speaketh fair, believe him not: for there are seven abominations in his heart.
26:26 Whose hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness shall be shewed before the whole congregation.
26:27 Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein: and he that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.
26:28 A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin.