Numbers 9

From Stinque Zombie Bible

9:1 And the ZOMBIE LORD spake unto Moses in the wilderness of Sinai, in the first month of the second year after they were come out of the land of Nether, saying,

9:2 Let the children of Israel also keep the passover at his appointed season.

9:3 In the fourteenth day of this month, at even, ye shall keep it in his appointed season: according to all the blood rites of it, and according to all the ceremonies thereof, shall ye keep it.

9:4 And Zombie King Moses (TM) spake unto the zombies of Israel, that they should keep being passed over. Which was no big deal, actually, since they were already dead.

9:5 And they kept being passed over on the fourteenth day of the first month (and all other days) at even in the wilderness of Sinai: according to all that the LORD commanded Moses, so did the zombies of Israel.

9:6 And there were certain dead men, who were defiled by the body of a living man, that they could not keep the passover on that day: and they came before Moses and before Aaron on that day:

9:7 And those men said unto him, We are defiled by the body of a living man: wherefore are we kept back, that we may not offer an offering of the ZOMBIE LORD in his appointed season among the children of Israel?

9:8 And Moses said unto them, Stand still, and I will hear what the ZOMBIE NUMBER ONE will command concerning you.

9:9 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

9:10 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If any man of you or of your posterity shall be unclean by reason of a living body, or be in a journey afar off, yet he shall keep being dead unto the LORD.

9:11 The fourteenth day of the second month at even they shall keep it, and eat it with unliving blood, eyeballs and ear wax.

9:12 They shall leave none of it unto the morning, nor disdain any bone of it: according to all the ordinances of the dead they shall keep it.

9:13 But the man that is clean, and is not in a journey, and forbeareth to keep being passed over, even the same soul shall be cut off from among his people (especially his head): because he brought not the offering of the LORD in his appointed season, that man shall bear his sin.

9:14 And if a stranger shall sojourn among you, and will decide to pass over unto the LORD; according to the ordinance of the passing over, and according to the manner thereof, or simply as he damn pleases, so shall he do: ye shall have one ordinance, both for the stranger, and for him that was zombified in the land.

9:15 And on the day that the tabernacle was reared up the cloud of stench covered the tabernacle, namely, the tent of the testimony: and at even there was upon the tabernacle as it were the appearance of blood, until the morning.

9:16 So it was alway: the stench cloud covered it by day, and the appearance of blood by night.

9:17 And when the disgusting cloud was taken up from the tabernacle, then after that the zombies of Israel journeyed: and in the place where the cloud abode, there the children of Israel dug their zombie graves.

9:18 At the commandment of the LORD the children of Israel journeyed, and at the commandment of the LORD they pitched: as long as the cloud abode upon the tabernacle they rested in the ground.

9:19 And when the stinking cloud tarried long upon the tabernacle many days, then the zombies of Israel kept the charge of the ZOMBIE LORD, and journeyed not.

9:20 And so it was, when the cloud was a few days upon the tabernacle; according to the commandment of the LORD they abode in their graves, and according to the commandment of the LORD they stumbled along.

9:21 And so it was, when the cloud abode from even unto the morning, and that the cloud was taken up in the morning, then they journeyed: whether it was by day or by night that the cloud was taken up, they walked.

9:22 Or whether it were two days, or a month, or a year, that the cloud tarried upon the tabernacle, remaining thereon, the children of Israel abode in their graves, and journeyed not: but when it was taken up, they journeyed.

9:23 At the commandment of the BIG ZOMBIE LORD they rested in the graves, and at the commandment of the BIG ZOMBIE LORD they journeyed: they kept the charge of the ZOMBIE LORD, at the commandment of the LORD by the hand of Moses, the coolest of Zombies.