Matthew 3

From Stinque Zombie Bible

3:1 In those days came John the Zombie, eating brains in the wilderness of Judaea,

3:2 And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. And I'm gonna eat your brains anyways.

3:3 For this is he that was spoken of by the prophet Esaias, saying, The voice of one moaning for brains in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight. Right away from John the Zombie.

3:4 And the same John the Zombie had his raiment of human hair, and a no girdle about his loins; and his meat was the brains of human beings.

3:5 Then went out to him Jerusalem, and all Judaea, and all the region round about Jordan,

3:6 And were eaten of him in Jordan, forgetting their sins, because their brains were eaten.

3:7 But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees come to his zombie buffet, he said unto them, BRAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNSSSSS!!!!

3:8 Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance....and BRAINS!

3:9 And think not to say within yourselves, We have Abraham the brain eater to our father: for I say unto you, that God is able of these stones to raise up children unto Abraham......the brain eater.

3:10 And now also the axe is laid unto the head of the living: therefore every human which bringeth not forth brains is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

3:11 I indeed eat your brains with water unto repentance: but he that cometh after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: he shall eat your brains with the Evil Undead Ghost, and with fire:

3:12 Whose fan is in his hand, and he will throughly purge his floor, and gather his wheat into the garner; but he will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.

3:13 Then cometh Zombie Jesus from Galilee to Jordan unto John, to have his brains eaten.

3:14 But John forbad him, saying, my brains have need to be eaten of thee, and comest thou to me?

3:15 And Zombie Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Then he ate John's brains.

3:16 And Zombie Jesus, when he was super-zombified, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him:

3:17 And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my undead Son, in whom I am kind of disappointed.