Isaiah 53
From Stinque Zombie Bible
53:1 Who hath believed our warning? and to whom is the arm of the dark Lord of nature revealed?
53:2 For he shall grow up before the Lord as a sickly weed, and as a diseased root out of the earth: he hath no shapely nostrils, but snot-dripping pits through which his skull can be clearly seen; and when we glimpse him peripherally, creeping up from behind unannounced, we shall scream before his punctured eyeball dangling from its socket.
53:3 He is despised and hunted by the remnants of humanity; a creature of gaping flesh wounds, and acquainted with the agony of undeath: and we hid as it were any part of ourselves from him, lest we be smitten by his bite and be transformed into a like abomination; he was despised, and we esteemed him not, but blasted him with a twelve gauge shotgun.
53:4 Surely he hath borne our grief, and carried our sorrows and the diseases pertaining to putrid flesh: yet we did esteem him stricken by the Lord's bleak sense of humour, cursed to stagger forth, devouring living flesh, and afflicted by pustules.
53:5 But his back was pounded by a mallet for our tansgressions, his forearm was smashed by a baseball bat for our iniquities: the chastisement of a thousand lashes was upon him; and with his stripes, leaking poisonous ichor, we are become as him, accursed.
53:6 All we like ignorant sheep have fled the streets now the apocalypse has come; we have consumed the world's resources without heed for the morrow; and the dark Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
53:7 He was oppressed, the primitive, perverse urges of the living imprisoned in a rotting corpse, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth, his jaw having been severed by a shovel wielded by an elderly woman who was subsequently torn in twain by him: he is brought as an abomination to slaughter the grief-stricken remnants of humanity, an abomination before their astonished eyes and an unholy miracle of natural evolution.
53:8 He was sent to prison cells, to plague the families that hid there: and who shall condemn his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living and of the dead: for the transgression of all peoples was he ranked among the horde of undead monsters.
53:9 And he made his grave with the wicked and the virtuous alike, with anyone left alive upon the initial carnage of the apocalypse; because he had done no violence in the first nanosecond of his gruesome transformation, neither was any deceit nor tongue in his gaping maw.
53:10 Yet it pleased the dark Lord to crucify his flesh on the altar of vengeance; he hath driven stakes through his limbs and seared his exposed nerves with flames, yet caused no pain; when thou shalt mock his absent soul, he shall sow his seed, tearing into the necks of fools and splattering their blood on their expensive garments; he shall prolong the days of the undead throngs, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his flesh-stripped hand.
53:11 The Lord shall see from hell the undead's lack of higher cognitive functions, and shall be satisfied: by his dark knowledge of biology shall my blood-thirsty servant convert the weak and the strong into shambling abominations; for he shall bear the apocalyptic genetic mutation.
53:12 Therefore will I divide him a portion with the greatest of monsters, and he shall divide heads from necks; because he hath poured out his soul into limbo, leaving his corpse to wander of its own accord: and he was numbered with the huddling, shivering remnants, and made to slaughter them for their transgressions.